AN, Old Friend
AN, my old friend,
how have you been? It seems ages since when I saw you last. Thought maybe you
had forgotten about me, discarded like an old cast.
How good it feels to
have your strangling embrace long after your absence fell. Your old room deep
inside is empty and waiting for you to reside again.
Yes, I've been away
too, busy keeping up with other things to do. As you know how much time of mine
you take when you show up like a lost and lonely pup.
There’s nothing to
do, but take you in again of course.
I’m glad that you
came AN as I've been tipping the scales again. When last we spoke all was well
as the numbers were slipping.
It was then I sent
you away claiming I could continue on my own accord. I could not have been
further from the truth I see, for only with you can I be that free.
Without remorse I let
you in to begin to repair all the ground we had lost. It’s good to have a
friend that knows me as well as you do whose words never grow moss.
Fresh and inviting every
time I feel your place, I can’t help but fall for your spell. There is no
rebelling against you my friend, we've seen and done too much together to ever
be separated again.
No one can understand
you and I like we do, feeding on each other’s strengths. To underestimate at
what length you would travel to get to me would be a folly to believe.
Well, get settled in
my old Friend AN. I’m sure you’ll find everything where you left it. I just
couldn’t bring my self to accept that you were truly gone.
“Don’t worry,” I heard
your Voice say, “It won’t be long before AN is back in your possession.”
I’ll leave you to
unpack the few tools you brought to add to your collection since you’ve been
away. To my dismay and maybe your horror, we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
I have not weighed,
but only spied our reflection in the mirror. Quite frankly, I see the fat all
over the place; covering my limbs and especially my face.
Only with your help
AN can I undo what I’ve done. You are much stronger than me and it’s a job
bigger than I can take for goodness sake.
I’ll see you later
after you rest from your travels. When you wake you’ll have the strength to
hold me tight and whisper stories in my ear.
Stories of long ago
and faraway places where name and faces have been forgotten will be your themes
to bide the time and lull my mind into a much needed deep and dreamless sleep.
Adieu for now, Old Friend AN.
I realize this is a dark poem and I assure you, that it is Not my intention to choose the Pro AN lifestyle. I have come too far to go back now.
ReplyDeleteA apologize if this poem in some way adversely affects the reader. My intention is Not to induce or otherwise entice anyone to live a starving life.
This poem came as a result of my blog post Anorexia: Live or Die by LIMU. It also represents the physical and mental struggles that I in particular have had with Anorexia over my 40 years.
I pray that the distinctive contrast between the AN side and the Recovered side is as well seen by the reader.
How this illness permeates and insists on surviving in one who is opposed it.
This is simply a horrific graphic detail of what may be going on inside the mind of someone with the Eating Disorder Anorexia.
It's said that "Knowledge is Power" and for me and My Recovery the power lies in knowing what the AN Voice is trying to say and sell to me.
This was a great insight into what the next move in my AN's game is.
I in No way welcome it's arrival and plot to overthrow my sanity and physical body. This is just what the disease is trying to get me to think and believe.
Only one who who has been there can know how crafty that AN can be. Only by slowing down the AN Voice can it's directive be perceived and a course of combative action be planned.
Now I know what she is up to. Now I know the LIES that she is trying desperately to make me believe. Now I can thwart This attack.
It sees "fat". I only see Health. It thinks the room is still open. I know that I will continue to close it. It thinks I will end my stubborn pursuit 2BRecoverED with LIMU. I know that will never end!
Again, I apologize for this scary insight into the battle that rages on every day inside the mind of someone who has been affected by the mental illness and physical ramifications of Anorexia.
I do Not wish this way of life on even my worst enemy! All I can do is recognize the warning signs and share them in hopes of helping others and my Self to overcome this devastating illness.
I Thank God for His Son who has redeemed me for Himself and for the LIMU Brand of dietary Supplements which have both given my life back to Me. Neither of which am I willing to give up no matter Who might be opposing me - including my own thoughts fueled by a disease bent on destroying me.
Thanks for leaving your comment Maha! I'm glad you enjoyed the post! Thank you for leaving the resource! Have a Great day and may you receive blessings of peace and joy, health and prosperity for you and Yours always!
ReplyDelete