The Labyrinth

What a whirlwind this past few weeks traveling to and fro across parts of this great land. I got to catch up with some old friends and meet new ones, our family grew thanks to the Bride & Groom. Now I am back home and after a few days of complete rest I find myself beginning to appear again.
My state is comfortable and the anxiety of the outside is beginning to ebb away. I have kept my weight steady & strong not dipping down below my set 115 so that's a good thing. My body is is on the right track, no need to to ever go back to the emaciated way I choose to stay for all those decades.
Now that I am in a stable place with myself, it is time to reflect and then grow from within. This is not an easy task given the miriad personalities that seem to reside within, each with an agenda for this body of mine to take. Integrate is the word and deed but for all to actually agree is what holds me back from being completely Me.

I am coming to realize & understand that My memories have not dissapeared, neither are they impaired by space & time; they are in the different facets of my mind. Being Anorexic has some degree of Dissociation Personality Disorder in order to continue on in that "other" self. Add this illness on top of physical, verbal & sexual abuse along with neglect since early age and no wonder why I cannot remember. I simply did Not experience those episodes. Someone else inside my Body (or System Parts) did.

This is why tracking down the Voice of AN inside the labyrinth of this mind has been so hard. For years I have somehow made it clear that each one of me is to be Seperate from the Self. Never sharing this body at the same time means also never sharing the mind. The AN has been systematically injecting itself into every person'ality' I have. So that 30 yrs later every one is deluted with the toxic Voice of this deadly reason.

Each time one of my persons gets a leg up on the fight 2BRecoverED, the voice starts attacking another & 'forcing' that personality to overcome the 1st for the position to "run" this body & mind. To fight effectively, I must be introduced to and know each one that resides within my mind.
And I though the Physical Healing of Anorexia was going to be a grueling one. It was, but I survived it and I will Survive this too. Maybe now that all my different system parts are starting to trust Me for nourishment called "food", wether it be LIMU or solids, soon each one will find the strength to open up their world to Mine.

Now that my sandwich has had a bit of time to digest as i came out and wrote some, it it time for a short rest to continue to let my body & mind heal.

Blessings of Peace & Joy with His Mercy & Grace to You alway!

I'm Barb Thornton and IAmLimu
Lady Limu Member ID# 8536438
931.796.3688
888.8My.LIMU
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu