What an interesting & somewhat enlightening morning I've had here in "the box".
I started my morning with a shot o' LIMU upon wakening. I've been dealing with a bout of depression lately, i guess it started about the beginning of this month after my good news at the Dr. ie: cancer free & 117 pounds. Yay Me.
I didn't really have any "Thoughts" per se as I opened my email, just the 'feeling' of utter avoidance of the box, except I could check email. To my suprize, I saw a mail from a Great Friend who is also traveling the path 2BRecoverED. The subject line read: "Avoidance". How appropriate for a day such as this when I am locked inside my mind, after no contact for about a week. (That's all good btw as we both are busy Women).
This gets me to the interesting part.
Next place I went was MDLinx.
http://www.mdlinx.com/psychiatry/news-article.cfm/3275145/82/personalityTopic: Borderline personality and weight divergence in adulthood
Being AN since Elementary school, it really Does seem as if there are 2 people living inside My body. There is me and there is AN. Both fighting to control Me - the outside Body.
The somewhat enlightening part is due to the fact that I need to digest this info so it makes sense. 1/2 way enlightened if You will for now the knowlege is gained, just need application.
Divergence is the condition of being Unlike or Dissimilar; condition of being divided; an instance of digressing.
http://www.answers.com/topic/divergence Allright, this starts to make sense now, but still Not enough info for hypothesis. Now i had more questions than at the start.
This line of questioning & thinking brought me to:
http://www.psychwiki.com/wiki/Unconscious_Thought_TheoryTopic: Unconscious Thought Theory It's pretty heavy & deep with 6 principles.
Convergence Principle:
"The sixth and final principle is the Convergence versus Divergence principle.
Conscious thought is more convergent and unconscious thought is more divergent.
Conscious thought is convergent since it can integrate large amounts of information.
Unconscious thought is described as divergent due to the limited capacity described in the capacity principle.
Unlike conscious thought, unconscious thought does not have the ability to store and incorporate vast amounts of different information.
After a period of conscious engagement, it is necessary to undergo a break or phase of distraction in order to successfully engage in incubation which allows other critical cues to surface and unimportant cues to fade from memory. (Dijksterhuis and Olden, 2005).
It is also believed, based on studies from this principle, that the unconscious is primarily responsible for creativity."
So my understanding based on these new discoveries is that Yes, I Do have 2 "person-alities" inhabiting this one physical body. Good news - I'm Not crazy...just ANorexic.
This explains why I feel completely disconnected at times (especially when depression sets in) from My Body and even My own Mind.
This also explains why the restrictive cycle of AN is so hard for me to break. I was right in thinking that i had forged deep neuropathways in My subconsious to engage in This Behavior at any sign of stress, anxiety, discomfort, fear...
I had sucessfully diverged my 'person'-alities into 2 separate but completely functioning entities a couple of years ago to stop "Hearing" The Voice of AN inside my head.
I had NOT stopped the Voice, I just gave it the power & energy to Do what It wanted in the 1st place - To Separate from me completely so that it could control ALL of the "everyday, non 'thinking'" tasks like Breathing, Blinking, Moving, Eating, Resting and yes, even My very Thinking & Feelings
Now I have to figure out How I did that in the 1st place or at least How to Undo what i did. That is integration or Convergence where the 2 become one again - The Conscious Me & the subconscious me.
Although I do Not the AN! I Do want all my faculties to be Mine.
Well, that's deep enough for me.
It's time I left this box in search of something to Eat.
Blessings of Peace & Health, Enlightenment & Prosperity to You and "May the God of Hope fill You with all Joy as You Trust in Him." ~Romans 15:13
I'm Barbara A Thornton and I Am LIMU!
http://ladylimu.discoverlimu.comhttp://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu931.796.3688 ~ 931.628.4355 cell ~ 888.8MY.LIMU (toll free)
