Cookies Cookies everywhere, to make and to eat;
but to actually Do is some sort of feat.
To reach for them...do I dare;
I hope and long for the desserts,
in the end only to find me beat.
My ana & I,
we have this strange relationship;
when i fight back she is very sly.
She keeps me busy so I will stay unfed;
finding only 3 kudos from Original Limu
as i lie at night upon my bed.
This body is strong and so obvious
is this mind, so why is the key
To Be RecoverED so hard to find?
'Get the body healthy and
the mind will follow'; words I
live by until i climb up and
out of this hollow!
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=29750752181&topic=11851
I dared 2BRecoverED with LIMU ORIGINAL juice 8 years ago weighing 96 lbs at age 35 - thanks to the Eating Disorder, Anorexia. It was time to Make A Choice: Decide to Change or Die from malnutrition. With the addition of LIMU LEAN Weight Management System and LIMU BLU FROG Energy Drinks, Mine IS A Life Recovered with LIMU's alternative health supplements. Join me today and Recover Your Life with LIMU! I'm always only a phone call away.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Functioning Anorexic
Good Day Friends & Neighbors!
Yesturday my Husband & I were talking when he asked the most interesting question,
"Would you be considered a 'functioning' Anorexic? You know, like they have functioning alcoholics."
"Well, I guess I am." was my reply as i jotted those words down so i could come here to think this "new" idea through; sounded interesting enough for a theory.
As i've been traveling along in the mire of the ED Recovery Road for a couple of years, i know that i am still in the recovery process with a long road still ahead before i reach the finish line and can finally Be RecoverED and beyond that to Just Living My life.
Food is still a major issue with me. It's very strange that while the sun is out i have a very difficult time getting food into this machine - My body. If left alone, it is even worse as i seem to be in physical perpetual motion so that i "do not have time to eat. I'll eat later."
With Original Limu i am able to be that Functioning Anorexic. I can easily consume the recommended 2oz serving at once with no interruption from my ana.
Within just an hour or two very strange things starts to happen in my physical & mental being. My body actually starts to get hungry as my stomach is no longer in a silent repose just waiting for time to pass-knowing that i would not feed it anyway. Now, it starts to wake up and take a stand for itself because it knows that without it working it's job, none of my other organs can do their job.
Then my mind starts to take a stand as impressions of food and eating are imprinted on the front of the black veil concealing my AN. From her secret hiding place in the blackness, she desperately tries to maneuver to a more secure position of strength as she digs her heals in, once again forcing me to perform yet another physical activity as she tries to carry me away from all food and drink. As soon as I make an impression - just short of a verbal (in my head) "I'm hungry" or "I want to/should eat something" she wisks it away and erases it from ever being.
However! She is No match for the pure liquid nutrients & fucoidan that i pour in every day, several times a day. So, within hours of my 1st shot, my body and mind are awakened to see her attacks. No longer does that veil of darkness completely conceal her & allow her to physically manipulate and alter the functions of MY Body and MY Mind.
My Body is too smart for her now and she is NOT happy about it either.
There simply is absolutely No way my Anorexia can outwit the affects of Original Limu on this Body. 70+ nutrients that are pure & liquid go straight to work doing what my Body Needs them to do - without thought or mental/physical energy expended to receive them.
Can one be a "Functioning Anorexic"? I think that is the next step in Recovery.
Step 1: is to admit & actually See there is a problem and seek treatment/help.
Step 2: is to become a Functioning Anorexic.
What I mean by that is: You have to be Willing to take steps Everyday to put nutrients into You physical body. Whatever is Easiest for You, but Your day Must consist of Food nutrients- not just a multi-vitamin/mineral tablet and liquids.
At this stage, (in My) Anorexia is still very alive, alert, active & controlling at times throughout every day. She can No longer control every minute or every movement of every day like she once did.
I Am gaining ground. My ana is no longer ME and I am NOT my Anorexia; I am effectively Functioning Through my Anorexia daily instead of my AN Functioning For ME.
YOU Will too when You get to stage two. Just hang in there and keep putting 1 baby step in front of the other - Every day.
As long as we stay on The (ED Recovery) Road we WILL find That Place called:
A RecoverED LIFE!
Blessings of Peace & Health, Strength & Comfort to You!
Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
ID 8536438
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu
Yesturday my Husband & I were talking when he asked the most interesting question,
"Would you be considered a 'functioning' Anorexic? You know, like they have functioning alcoholics."
"Well, I guess I am." was my reply as i jotted those words down so i could come here to think this "new" idea through; sounded interesting enough for a theory.
As i've been traveling along in the mire of the ED Recovery Road for a couple of years, i know that i am still in the recovery process with a long road still ahead before i reach the finish line and can finally Be RecoverED and beyond that to Just Living My life.
Food is still a major issue with me. It's very strange that while the sun is out i have a very difficult time getting food into this machine - My body. If left alone, it is even worse as i seem to be in physical perpetual motion so that i "do not have time to eat. I'll eat later."
With Original Limu i am able to be that Functioning Anorexic. I can easily consume the recommended 2oz serving at once with no interruption from my ana.
Within just an hour or two very strange things starts to happen in my physical & mental being. My body actually starts to get hungry as my stomach is no longer in a silent repose just waiting for time to pass-knowing that i would not feed it anyway. Now, it starts to wake up and take a stand for itself because it knows that without it working it's job, none of my other organs can do their job.
Then my mind starts to take a stand as impressions of food and eating are imprinted on the front of the black veil concealing my AN. From her secret hiding place in the blackness, she desperately tries to maneuver to a more secure position of strength as she digs her heals in, once again forcing me to perform yet another physical activity as she tries to carry me away from all food and drink. As soon as I make an impression - just short of a verbal (in my head) "I'm hungry" or "I want to/should eat something" she wisks it away and erases it from ever being.
However! She is No match for the pure liquid nutrients & fucoidan that i pour in every day, several times a day. So, within hours of my 1st shot, my body and mind are awakened to see her attacks. No longer does that veil of darkness completely conceal her & allow her to physically manipulate and alter the functions of MY Body and MY Mind.
My Body is too smart for her now and she is NOT happy about it either.
There simply is absolutely No way my Anorexia can outwit the affects of Original Limu on this Body. 70+ nutrients that are pure & liquid go straight to work doing what my Body Needs them to do - without thought or mental/physical energy expended to receive them.
Can one be a "Functioning Anorexic"? I think that is the next step in Recovery.
Step 1: is to admit & actually See there is a problem and seek treatment/help.
Step 2: is to become a Functioning Anorexic.
What I mean by that is: You have to be Willing to take steps Everyday to put nutrients into You physical body. Whatever is Easiest for You, but Your day Must consist of Food nutrients- not just a multi-vitamin/mineral tablet and liquids.
At this stage, (in My) Anorexia is still very alive, alert, active & controlling at times throughout every day. She can No longer control every minute or every movement of every day like she once did.
I Am gaining ground. My ana is no longer ME and I am NOT my Anorexia; I am effectively Functioning Through my Anorexia daily instead of my AN Functioning For ME.
YOU Will too when You get to stage two. Just hang in there and keep putting 1 baby step in front of the other - Every day.
As long as we stay on The (ED Recovery) Road we WILL find That Place called:
A RecoverED LIFE!
Blessings of Peace & Health, Strength & Comfort to You!
Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
ID 8536438
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu
Monday, November 16, 2009
Me & my AN
Good Day Friends & Neighbors!
Sorry I've been away for so long this time. I have been working on my Anorexia Recovery real hard for a few weeks, as it has been trying to regain control. When this happens, i do not have the mental energy to sustain a long time on the computer.
I have been keeping my journal going which helps. Today i want to share one of those entries with You:
10-27-09
"I cannot describe (express) or tell You how much that Original Limu means to me - especially when there are 3 More bottles in the pantry.
Not only does my Body benefit, but my mind actually does too.
Anxiety and Fear are lessened to a speck in my day instead of the crux of it. My thoughts & feelings are still behind that velvet veil of blackness, but I am not bothered by it - - to the extreme i have been lately as my supply was limited or non existant.
The simple act of releasing the paranoia over "their" (the anorexic inside) conversations & supposed plots to harm or destroy the ME that carries us all around - the Body - is somehow facilitated with each shot of the Golden Nectar."
It is true-I spent a week or two without my Limu. We were however, able to put in a new Eldebrok carburator in the van. Of course, That was Not our 1st choice by no means. LOL
By the end of the 1st week, My 'ana' (anorexia) was up front and getting real cozy with her new found freedom and feelings of "the old days" when her and i were friends.
We shared feelings, Me & my AN, that we hadn't in a couple of years. Familiar, safe feelings that are linked to the starvation. We were working Together as we completed a bunch of physical tasks like chores, shopping, etc. Gone was the need to take naps after eating, because without the food going in, the energy that came out was phenominal. My ana was back from her long trip and was settling in fast & hard for a long stay - which I gladly took her in with open arms. Gone were thoughts of food and the whole "should be hungry" issue.
We got 16.3 kudos on our chart, which breaks down to just 2.29 "meal size" & 3 "at least i Tried to eat Something" foods a day.
By the end of the 2nd week, the whole picture had changed, instead of AN being a Welcomed guest, she had now taken residence and was adamant -unyielding in her stance to be the head of Our household. Now it was I that was being forced to take a trip. I was the one being pushed back & held captive against my will.
That rush of energy of the previous week? Yeah, that was My Body going into Survival Mode. (which is another topic entirely) By this time, My ana was pushing my body hard to stay busy physically in order to keep me from having Time to eat, journal, blog, etc..
I felt like a zombie as My Body just kept moving from one task to the next. Now, i would think "i'm hungry" for a fleeting second before she caught the words and made them disappear as if they never happened. Sometimes i would hear, "just after.." fill in the blank. Only to find that another 2 hours have passed without any food or drink. Then i would think "I'm hungry." only to have the whole cycle repeated day in and day out.
By evening time i would sit with my family and watch tv. Well, They were watching tv and I was waiting patiently (on the outside as i pretended to watch) for time to pass so i could go to sleep & get away from my ana for a while.
Which was something i started taking up again at this time - naps. I couldn't wait for my afternoon nap, because it was the Only respite i got from my ana. By the end of the week i was back to my 2-3 hour naps for escape and exhaustion.
My body was now beginning the process of feeding off Itself. With no Nutrients going in, it started robbing them from my cells, muscles, blood-everything, just to maintain organ functions. I had already burned through all the meager fat stored in that 1st week, now my ana was attacking the rest of My Body to feed herself as she gained more control with each passing day.
Aware that all this was happening i tried real hard to fight back against this Unwanted visitor. Shows on my kudo chart: 17.7 - which breaks down 2.43 "meal" & 7 "tried". I was able to increase my intake by Only 1 whole and 4 snacks, and That was like pulling teeth!
The very next week, (the 3rd) i got my Limu & my chart exploded. I got 30.6 kudos. Not only was i drinking the juice heavily, but i was eating food of real proportions. This is why I've been gone as I have been fighting my AN in a real battle.
She really hates it and Me when I pour the Limu down my throat. Once i get it to mouth, it goes directly to my stomach and there isn't anything she can do to stop it. From there it goes to work feeding Me nutrients to get healthy & strong. Ana tries to keep Me from the bottle, but is only able to succeed for a couple of hours. Then (just for That), i grab a juice glass instead of 2oz Limu shot glass and pour me a goodly portion and drink away - making sure i swish it in my mouth so the nutrients will be carried straight to My brain from My bloodstream (in mouth). Within just an hour or two, I would be up & looking for food and actually finding something to eat - which would taste really good, go down easy and sit real nice in my stomach.
This is where I am and what I've been up to.
May Blessings of Health & Strength, Joy & Abundance come to YOU!
Lady Limu
Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
ID: 8536438
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu
Sorry I've been away for so long this time. I have been working on my Anorexia Recovery real hard for a few weeks, as it has been trying to regain control. When this happens, i do not have the mental energy to sustain a long time on the computer.
I have been keeping my journal going which helps. Today i want to share one of those entries with You:
10-27-09
"I cannot describe (express) or tell You how much that Original Limu means to me - especially when there are 3 More bottles in the pantry.
Not only does my Body benefit, but my mind actually does too.
Anxiety and Fear are lessened to a speck in my day instead of the crux of it. My thoughts & feelings are still behind that velvet veil of blackness, but I am not bothered by it - - to the extreme i have been lately as my supply was limited or non existant.
The simple act of releasing the paranoia over "their" (the anorexic inside) conversations & supposed plots to harm or destroy the ME that carries us all around - the Body - is somehow facilitated with each shot of the Golden Nectar."
It is true-I spent a week or two without my Limu. We were however, able to put in a new Eldebrok carburator in the van. Of course, That was Not our 1st choice by no means. LOL
By the end of the 1st week, My 'ana' (anorexia) was up front and getting real cozy with her new found freedom and feelings of "the old days" when her and i were friends.
We shared feelings, Me & my AN, that we hadn't in a couple of years. Familiar, safe feelings that are linked to the starvation. We were working Together as we completed a bunch of physical tasks like chores, shopping, etc. Gone was the need to take naps after eating, because without the food going in, the energy that came out was phenominal. My ana was back from her long trip and was settling in fast & hard for a long stay - which I gladly took her in with open arms. Gone were thoughts of food and the whole "should be hungry" issue.
We got 16.3 kudos on our chart, which breaks down to just 2.29 "meal size" & 3 "at least i Tried to eat Something" foods a day.
By the end of the 2nd week, the whole picture had changed, instead of AN being a Welcomed guest, she had now taken residence and was adamant -unyielding in her stance to be the head of Our household. Now it was I that was being forced to take a trip. I was the one being pushed back & held captive against my will.
That rush of energy of the previous week? Yeah, that was My Body going into Survival Mode. (which is another topic entirely) By this time, My ana was pushing my body hard to stay busy physically in order to keep me from having Time to eat, journal, blog, etc..
I felt like a zombie as My Body just kept moving from one task to the next. Now, i would think "i'm hungry" for a fleeting second before she caught the words and made them disappear as if they never happened. Sometimes i would hear, "just after.." fill in the blank. Only to find that another 2 hours have passed without any food or drink. Then i would think "I'm hungry." only to have the whole cycle repeated day in and day out.
By evening time i would sit with my family and watch tv. Well, They were watching tv and I was waiting patiently (on the outside as i pretended to watch) for time to pass so i could go to sleep & get away from my ana for a while.
Which was something i started taking up again at this time - naps. I couldn't wait for my afternoon nap, because it was the Only respite i got from my ana. By the end of the week i was back to my 2-3 hour naps for escape and exhaustion.
My body was now beginning the process of feeding off Itself. With no Nutrients going in, it started robbing them from my cells, muscles, blood-everything, just to maintain organ functions. I had already burned through all the meager fat stored in that 1st week, now my ana was attacking the rest of My Body to feed herself as she gained more control with each passing day.
Aware that all this was happening i tried real hard to fight back against this Unwanted visitor. Shows on my kudo chart: 17.7 - which breaks down 2.43 "meal" & 7 "tried". I was able to increase my intake by Only 1 whole and 4 snacks, and That was like pulling teeth!
The very next week, (the 3rd) i got my Limu & my chart exploded. I got 30.6 kudos. Not only was i drinking the juice heavily, but i was eating food of real proportions. This is why I've been gone as I have been fighting my AN in a real battle.
She really hates it and Me when I pour the Limu down my throat. Once i get it to mouth, it goes directly to my stomach and there isn't anything she can do to stop it. From there it goes to work feeding Me nutrients to get healthy & strong. Ana tries to keep Me from the bottle, but is only able to succeed for a couple of hours. Then (just for That), i grab a juice glass instead of 2oz Limu shot glass and pour me a goodly portion and drink away - making sure i swish it in my mouth so the nutrients will be carried straight to My brain from My bloodstream (in mouth). Within just an hour or two, I would be up & looking for food and actually finding something to eat - which would taste really good, go down easy and sit real nice in my stomach.
This is where I am and what I've been up to.
May Blessings of Health & Strength, Joy & Abundance come to YOU!
Lady Limu
Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
ID: 8536438
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Anorexia, What say You?
Good Morning!
Whew...what a busy couple of weeks there! I have been very physically And mentally active lately. With the rain storms i was able to get a lot done around the inside of the house - kind of a Late spring cleaning. LOL Then it's been back to research and getting caught back up on all the happenings on email, fb, twitter etc.
So, Yes, Mentally i have been very active in Those regards; however upon counting last weeks kudos, i see that was the Wrong activities to be carrying on for weeks on end. Meaning i guess i Need to take time out and sit with this ED "person", if You will, and what???? What will happen Then? Will I be told some secret memory hidden away? Some knowlege or enlightenment will told to Me by the anorexic one? What? Why am i pushing desperately forward with all my energy and strength in Every Other area or aspect of My Life and Personality to keep some "conversation" from happening inside MY head?
Kudo count week of September 20-26, 2009 = 16.3 :( Pretty darn sad.
Oh, but I had a good excuse she tells Me which is then rationalized as o.k. (because we all know Any excuse Can be given to Justify Anything.) That excuse does Not mean that the wrong action is magically turned into the right. It is Still Wrong - just with an excuse.
True, with all the nasty around school, i've increased her dosage of Original Limu to keeps the "bugs" off her - it's working wonderfully. I decreased mine mine drastically, even skipping a few days in a row, and my next case comes tomorrow so i quit drinking it to give to my Husband and Daughter (probably about the 24th).
So without my Limu, the anorexia just kinda sneaks up and Jumps all over me. That's the "Excuse" and "I'm stickin' to it." LOL
However, i just counted this week's so far and am VERY Happy to see 11.5 Kudos! Whoo-Hoo!
Still, it's friday- only today & tomorrow to get 20 kudos so i am back where i was. So in Reality that is Not good. Thought i was because i really had to force the protein shake in the morning and a granola bar at lunch down my throat. But that was way better than the week previous when i did not eat until 4pm snack and some dinner.
I seem to have stumbled into a wide, long gully of some sort on this stretch of ED Recovery Road. It looks like there is only 1 way out of this part in The Road and that is to continue forward into the darkned area up ahead just around the corner to see what ED has to say to Me. Only by going inside the dark place will i finally be able to say,
"Anorexia, What say You?"
i'm afraid. i don't know what she'll say...or do to me. she's very strong ya kno.
How long can stand here before the turn, busying myself with tidying the house, caring for my Family and a menagerie of pets easily and happily taking up my time that i am Freely giving them - just to avoid the few agonizing steps to turn the corner and go into that dark spot in The Road? I know that others have went there and came out Better for having the strength and courage to travel such a scary Road. I know in My heart that I Will Be Better for continue-ing on The Road Myself.
Just Don't know if i'm ready to see what ED has to say.
I pray YOU have Blessings of Peace & Health, Enlightenment & Prosperity all Your Days!
Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
ID: 8536438
1.888.8MY.LIMU
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu
Whew...what a busy couple of weeks there! I have been very physically And mentally active lately. With the rain storms i was able to get a lot done around the inside of the house - kind of a Late spring cleaning. LOL Then it's been back to research and getting caught back up on all the happenings on email, fb, twitter etc.
So, Yes, Mentally i have been very active in Those regards; however upon counting last weeks kudos, i see that was the Wrong activities to be carrying on for weeks on end. Meaning i guess i Need to take time out and sit with this ED "person", if You will, and what???? What will happen Then? Will I be told some secret memory hidden away? Some knowlege or enlightenment will told to Me by the anorexic one? What? Why am i pushing desperately forward with all my energy and strength in Every Other area or aspect of My Life and Personality to keep some "conversation" from happening inside MY head?
Kudo count week of September 20-26, 2009 = 16.3 :( Pretty darn sad.
Oh, but I had a good excuse she tells Me which is then rationalized as o.k. (because we all know Any excuse Can be given to Justify Anything.) That excuse does Not mean that the wrong action is magically turned into the right. It is Still Wrong - just with an excuse.
True, with all the nasty around school, i've increased her dosage of Original Limu to keeps the "bugs" off her - it's working wonderfully. I decreased mine mine drastically, even skipping a few days in a row, and my next case comes tomorrow so i quit drinking it to give to my Husband and Daughter (probably about the 24th).
So without my Limu, the anorexia just kinda sneaks up and Jumps all over me. That's the "Excuse" and "I'm stickin' to it." LOL
However, i just counted this week's so far and am VERY Happy to see 11.5 Kudos! Whoo-Hoo!
Still, it's friday- only today & tomorrow to get 20 kudos so i am back where i was. So in Reality that is Not good. Thought i was because i really had to force the protein shake in the morning and a granola bar at lunch down my throat. But that was way better than the week previous when i did not eat until 4pm snack and some dinner.
I seem to have stumbled into a wide, long gully of some sort on this stretch of ED Recovery Road. It looks like there is only 1 way out of this part in The Road and that is to continue forward into the darkned area up ahead just around the corner to see what ED has to say to Me. Only by going inside the dark place will i finally be able to say,
"Anorexia, What say You?"
i'm afraid. i don't know what she'll say...or do to me. she's very strong ya kno.
How long can stand here before the turn, busying myself with tidying the house, caring for my Family and a menagerie of pets easily and happily taking up my time that i am Freely giving them - just to avoid the few agonizing steps to turn the corner and go into that dark spot in The Road? I know that others have went there and came out Better for having the strength and courage to travel such a scary Road. I know in My heart that I Will Be Better for continue-ing on The Road Myself.
Just Don't know if i'm ready to see what ED has to say.
I pray YOU have Blessings of Peace & Health, Enlightenment & Prosperity all Your Days!
Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
ID: 8536438
1.888.8MY.LIMU
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu
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