I Hate Anorexia!

Good Morning Friends and Neighbors!
Today i would like to send a special Hello to some of my visitors:
In Uusikaupunki, Finland (My Maternal Gram's home Country) A Very Special welcome!
Also Welcome: Berlin, Germany (A country and language i love, and visited), London, England.
Welcome to my Fellow citizens of The United States:
Chicago, Illinois; Saginaw, Michigan; Youngstown, Ohio and in my home state, Elora, Tennessee.
Thank You all for visiting! Come by for a 'sit-a-spell' anytime! I welcome your comments and Thank You for Your prayers!
I guess i have been on a bad spiral for the last month or so.
I am down to 116 now. Had my last shot of Original Limu 2 days ago. More on the way at the end of the week. My bowels however have been functioning completely normal everyday now for over a week. I have a hard time keeping track of the exact days, as i am just so happy it is all normal.
As far as the anorexia goes: i don't know what the problem is. It seems like the sunlight is a trigger for me Not to eat. I find it very difficult to eat during the day. I am hungry. I just don't eat. I can feel my stomach is empty, but yet i still don't eat.
It is true that i have had a bunch of stressors in this last month, i realize that stress is a major trigger of mine. Since childhood, i have used the coping mechanism of refraining from food as a way to gain control in my life and as a way of punishment-reward system.
Now that i am grown, looking back, finding the root cause of this thing called Anorexia, and have a sheer determination to overcome this disease; it seems like the act of Anorexia is just as much a part of me (if not more in control) than the sane, logical and very escence of ME.
It is like the Real Me is being held captive by this Anorexic Personality if you will. I know what i Want to do - EAT - but the part controlling my hand to reach out and grab some food and put it into my mouth has More control over this body than MY thoughts and wills.
This personality blocks out all thought of food. When i even start to think
that i am hungry, or when my Body screams that i am hungry, this Anorexic Person silences all the thoughts and bodily cues.
After at least 25 years of this behavior, and the deafening silence going on in my head, something finally snapped. Myself.
Lately, for the past week and a half, i have been relegated to just dinner and hopefully dessert. I am sitting here now, with only a 2 bread, thin sliced turkey, 1 slice American cheese, mayo both sides, 2 slices tomato sandwich and a handfull of chips and 2 olives for dinner last night, then 2 granola bars for dessert yesturday.
My stomach has shrunk - i know, i feel the difference. I am physically sluggish. Suprizingly i insanely feel empowered.
Even though i have not been eating - literally, my brain has stayed active and focused. Yes, i'm on the meds, but more importantly - i'm on Original Limu.
When my body and brain feel like this due to... well, starvation, the emotions that i feel subconsiously (for lack of better word or term to express what is not consious) is a sense of exhilaration (sp?). I feel happy that i have not put anything in my mouth. I feel like i am in control - no matter what is happening around me to stress me out. I actually 'feel' like i have more energy because i am in control and have not allowed myself to eat anything. My brain seems to be very active. Yes, it is completely black in there consciously, but i 'feel' like it is active.
All of this however IS all in My mind.
My body is going into shut down mode. I am Not energetic. I am physically lethargic. It is all i can do to sit here and get through this - for Myself and for You or Your Loved One - i am very physically tired, just to keep typing feels like a job comparable to building houses. My brain is on auto pilot as i am letting the wods just flow - there is not enough energy to think about these things before they come out. After all my years and experience with writing, i can trust myself to say the Real truth about what is going on Inside ME, so i don't worry.
The only 2 permeating thoughts that are getting through are
#1: Food. Need to eat. What to eat? (trying hard to picture something - nothing comes to mind) Oh well. I'm on a roll and i want to get this stuff out so that i can continue to heal from this disease called Anorexia. I'm not hungry anyway. Besides there is nothing to eat. There is nothing i want. (in a whole grocery store, there would be nothing i want LOL) GONE. POOF. No more thought of food and hunger.
#2: Nap. When i finish what I have to tell myself, then i can lie down for a nap and recooperate from this strenous work - both physical and mental. Poof. Gone. No more thought of sleep.
My stomach is screaming. My eyes and brain are tired. My hands are heavy. My brain is fading to black.
I HATE ANOREXIA!!!!!!!!!!!

More Original Limu soon Doll! Keep Feeding the Body and the Mind WILL Follow!!

Blessings of Peace & Health, Hope & Enlightenment!

Barbara A Thornton - Lady Limu

DO YOU LIMU???

Why Not?