Me & my AN

Good Day Friends & Neighbors!

Sorry I've been away for so long this time. I have been working on my Anorexia Recovery real hard for a few weeks, as it has been trying to regain control. When this happens, i do not have the mental energy to sustain a long time on the computer.
I have been keeping my journal going which helps. Today i want to share one of those entries with You:

10-27-09

"I cannot describe (express) or tell You how much that Original Limu means to me - especially when there are 3 More bottles in the pantry.
Not only does my Body benefit, but my mind actually does too.

Anxiety and Fear are lessened to a speck in my day instead of the crux of it. My thoughts & feelings are still behind that velvet veil of blackness, but I am not bothered by it - - to the extreme i have been lately as my supply was limited or non existant.
The simple act of releasing the paranoia over "their" (the anorexic inside) conversations & supposed plots to harm or destroy the ME that carries us all around - the Body - is somehow facilitated with each shot of the Golden Nectar."

It is true-I spent a week or two without my Limu. We were however, able to put in a new Eldebrok carburator in the van. Of course, That was Not our 1st choice by no means. LOL
By the end of the 1st week, My 'ana' (anorexia) was up front and getting real cozy with her new found freedom and feelings of "the old days" when her and i were friends.

We shared feelings, Me & my AN, that we hadn't in a couple of years. Familiar, safe feelings that are linked to the starvation. We were working Together as we completed a bunch of physical tasks like chores, shopping, etc. Gone was the need to take naps after eating, because without the food going in, the energy that came out was phenominal. My ana was back from her long trip and was settling in fast & hard for a long stay - which I gladly took her in with open arms. Gone were thoughts of food and the whole "should be hungry" issue.
We got 16.3 kudos on our chart, which breaks down to just 2.29 "meal size" & 3 "at least i Tried to eat Something" foods a day.

By the end of the 2nd week, the whole picture had changed, instead of AN being a Welcomed guest, she had now taken residence and was adamant -unyielding in her stance to be the head of Our household. Now it was I that was being forced to take a trip. I was the one being pushed back & held captive against my will.

That rush of energy of the previous week? Yeah, that was My Body going into Survival Mode. (which is another topic entirely) By this time, My ana was pushing my body hard to stay busy physically in order to keep me from having Time to eat, journal, blog, etc..

I felt like a zombie as My Body just kept moving from one task to the next. Now, i would think "i'm hungry" for a fleeting second before she caught the words and made them disappear as if they never happened. Sometimes i would hear, "just after.." fill in the blank. Only to find that another 2 hours have passed without any food or drink. Then i would think "I'm hungry." only to have the whole cycle repeated day in and day out.

By evening time i would sit with my family and watch tv. Well, They were watching tv and I was waiting patiently (on the outside as i pretended to watch) for time to pass so i could go to sleep & get away from my ana for a while.
Which was something i started taking up again at this time - naps. I couldn't wait for my afternoon nap, because it was the Only respite i got from my ana. By the end of the week i was back to my 2-3 hour naps for escape and exhaustion.

My body was now beginning the process of feeding off Itself. With no Nutrients going in, it started robbing them from my cells, muscles, blood-everything, just to maintain organ functions. I had already burned through all the meager fat stored in that 1st week, now my ana was attacking the rest of My Body to feed herself as she gained more control with each passing day.
Aware that all this was happening i tried real hard to fight back against this Unwanted visitor. Shows on my kudo chart: 17.7 - which breaks down 2.43 "meal" & 7 "tried". I was able to increase my intake by Only 1 whole and 4 snacks, and That was like pulling teeth!


The very next week, (the 3rd) i got my Limu & my chart exploded. I got 30.6 kudos. Not only was i drinking the juice heavily, but i was eating food of real proportions. This is why I've been gone as I have been fighting my AN in a real battle.

She really hates it and Me when I pour the Limu down my throat. Once i get it to mouth, it goes directly to my stomach and there isn't anything she can do to stop it. From there it goes to work feeding Me nutrients to get healthy & strong. Ana tries to keep Me from the bottle, but is only able to succeed for a couple of hours. Then (just for That), i grab a juice glass instead of 2oz Limu shot glass and pour me a goodly portion and drink away - making sure i swish it in my mouth so the nutrients will be carried straight to My brain from My bloodstream (in mouth). Within just an hour or two, I would be up & looking for food and actually finding something to eat - which would taste really good, go down easy and sit real nice in my stomach.


This is where I am and what I've been up to.

May Blessings of Health & Strength, Joy & Abundance come to YOU!

Lady Limu

Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
ID: 8536438
http://thelimucompany.com/ladylimu