What, How, When, Why?

Hey Friends and Neighbors!

The 1st step of my Anorexic recovery was definately The Easiest i am finding out.
1st step IS Always to get Nutrition into the body.
Boy do i LOVE my LIMU!

I have not weighed in a couple days. A few days ago i did and was back down to 115. I still look Real Healthy. (I am definately about to outgrow my size 2 jeans soon - maybe 6 months or a year. Who knows. It is coming though.)
I feel torn between my greatest acheivement of 120 pounds just 6 months ago or so. I feel bad about dropping those 5 pounds. My face is slightly thinner is all. The rest real healthy. I want to be back at that weight.
However, at 115 i look great. Would not want to drop below this though. Gaining back those 5 pounds will be difficult i fear the 2nd time around.
I know that my nerves have to be at peak with my kids at their dad's over the summer. So this is a Big part of my inability or wanting to eat. Anorexia is always worse when they leave me.
I am looking forward to cooking in the kitchen with my daughter. I also am looking forward to putting on those 5 pounds i lost over the summer.
I praise God that He allowed me to have TLC's Limu for the past year! I would not have been able to go through another year of below 100 weight. I would have lost these 5 pounds anyway; but with the addition and added Nutritional Support of Original Limu beefing my body up before i went through this, i am able to get over this hump and this way of coping with this stressfull situation so that i can be healthy enough to bounce back.
I could not have done this without Original Limu and Gary Raser, Pres. The Limu Company.
MANY THANKS!!!

I was shocked the other day when while in counseling i heard myself say outloud for the 1st time, "I feel better when I don't eat. When I eat, I feel bad."
Pretty scary.
Yes, it's true that after i eat, i get real sleepy and my stomach is real full, my abdomen actually starts bloating. The bloat is not painful like cramps or constipation, just "bloaty". Not only do my eyes and body get tired, but my brain actually seems to be falling asleep ahead of the rest of me. I mean it Is pretty black inside my brain anyway, but after a full bowl of cereal, my mind seems to be getting foggy on top of the blankness of the blackened backdrop of my brain.
So after i eat, i usually have to lie down and shut my eyes a moment - which usually turns into an hour or longer. By skipping a meal, then i feel that i am being more productive and active because i am not sleeping.
I am beginning to see that that rationalization has a huge and fundamental flaw. When i do not eat, my body is feeding off itself like it's own parasite-therefore creating a false sense of alertness.
I really am Not getting any more done the old way, because when i Do eat, i'm out for a couple hours; whereas if i were eating more, then my energy level would stay at a constant healthy flow thereby cutting out the foggy blankness and total shock to the body when food Is introduced and needs to be digested.

Today? I've had my Limu-2oz- and just now finishing off a glass of orange juice. Plus 2 large glasses of coffee.
After i get done here, i am going to find something to eat....urgh....that's the main problem here. I can't seem to get past the fact that NO food looks appetizing.
I remember when i was a kid, the others used to call me the lunchbox raider because after school on the bus home i would go from seat to seat and eat the leftovers that they had in their lunch sacks.
I remember in 7th grade sitting at the head of a long lunchtable with at least 20 other girls. After each finished what they wanted to eat, the tray would get passed to me to finish.
I remember Loving Food. I remember loving to eat all the different kinds of food, the smells, the feel-both in the hand and in the mouth and down the throat. My biggest dream was to get locked in a grocery store all night and i could eat all i wanted and not get into trouble. I would fall asleep to this dream of mine as i walked down each and every isle, looking at the food, and eating the food.
It seems like that world was never a reality. Here i am having a hard time looking at food, being around it and especially just the thought of putting food into my mouth brings up a bunch of anxiety.

What went so horribly wrong?
How did this Anorexia get so bad?
When did it start?
WHY did Anorexia seem the best coping mechanism for decades now?

What can I do to change this mindset?
How can I help Myself to eat more?
When will i be free from Anorexia's grip?
Why not learn new coping skills?

Wow! What some tough questions i just asked myself.
Well, i guess we know what i will be working on until the next time we get together. I will be delving further into these questions and hopefully come up with some answers.

I Pray You Have Blessings of Peace & Health, Prosperity & Enlightenment!

Barbara A Thornton - Lady Limu

Do You Limu?
Why Not?