Anorexia in Me

Hello Friends and Neighbors!

As i sit here and file and pick at my nails, i know that i am "avoiding processing" thoughts. Today i wanted to confront the Eating Disorder (ED) Anorexia. Its been a while since i really dove into the "personal" aspect of thinking as there is already alot to think about - Outside my own head.

So...How am i doing? ;)

To be quite honest i canNot have imagined myself ever being This Healthy. My body is progressing beautifully as i keep pouing the Original Limu to it every day.
(As a matter of fact i just grabbed a big glass to sip with You for my 1st #k (kudo) of today. I got 4.2 #k yesturday with 3 whole food, and the .2 were 2 snacks of food. :)

Anyways, my weight is slowly but steadily building back up from the 10 i lost over the summer. I have 3 more pounds to gain to get back to my 120. My energy level has really kicked up lately as i am actually excercising. Mostly dancing aound the house as i do my chores and i bought a glider machine (with stationary arms) at a yard sale so it is low impact but good cardio and lower body workout. So i am gaining back mostly muscle as well as working on my visceral fat which is extremely important to proper health.

So, as far as my Body is concerned: Recovered Anorexic. All functions normal and strong. My life long problem with IBS is just a vague memory as i canNot (Thankfully) recall a day in the last 2 years that i have missed using the bathroom. That squeezing pain in my left chest cavity that "bothered" me for years then grew excruciating when i was 96 pounds is gone along with the strange skipped beats. I have not been sick once in the last 2 years which is testimony to my immune system functioning at such a Healthy Optimimal level.

Honestly, 2 years and 4 months ago, i was with death as it came knocking on my door. To will was present within me, but the means was not. My disease of Anorexia had culminated in my body feeding off of Itself just to keep the brain & vitals functioning. At That point (after 20+ years of stealing nutrients from every bone, muscle and tissue) my body was ready to throw in the towel; it just could Not possibly sustain life as it had already feasted on its own.

So, almost 2.5 years of "forcing" my body to ingest pure liquid nutrients and especially Fucoidan, my body finally has the health of an 18 year old. I wasn't This Healthy when i Was 18, so to be here i am Very Proud of myself for making the Right Choice Every Day to drink Original Limu.

With my body so healthy, why is it still so Hard to get the thoughts/feeling right?
I like my new body and the new and improved me that was always hiding as the Anorexia pushed ME further and further away.

Daytime is still Very hard for me to eat. Especially when i am home alone. I just get "busy" around the house because there is Always a million things that need tending to to keep a house a home. So i glance at the shelving unit Wayne built for our dining room where the top shelf is lined with jars filled with goodies. Just like the old time cany store or 5 and Dime. Each glass jar filled with something good to snack or munch on from sweet to salty and All thing i like to eat. I look, then turn my head and find something to do. This happens in pantry when i get cleaning supplies on one side and the other 3 are filled with food.
I'm getting better lately about getting a glass of sweet tea in the afternoon. I open the fridge and my eyes gaze at all the shelves before closing the door, taking a sip and getting back to work.

I don't understand this strange illness/disease at all.People say all the time: "Just Eat. If You eat, then You are no longer anorexic. Right?" expecting the response to be "You are right". Which, in theory, they are. Once the body is healthy, it is "cured" right?

In Any other disease that attacks the physical body i would say that is true. Cancer, Diabetes, Heart Disease, Alzheiners etc...all are "cured" when the cause of the illness is eliminated- the tumor cut out, stabilize the blood sugar, get the blood and muscle healthy, eliminat the plaque buildup in the brain.

Anorexia seems to first feed on the brain. Not the actual mass, but the thoughts, feelings and neuropathways connecting this disease to body functions. Now, i have been able to "trick" this disease into stopping it's forward progression and annihiliation of my physical body simply by drinking Original Limu everyday. However, the root cause or origin is still a mystery to me as when my eyes look at food, there is no longer a thought like
"You shouldn't eat that. You'll get a fat gut." or
"Just don't eat. You don't have to."
which would turn into feelings of power, sense of accomplishment and (a sick, in hindsight,) happiness i would get when i walked away from the food. Now it (she) is very tricky.

I call her "she" because it's inside my head. The voice that used to talk to me was well, my voice, and so female. Since we stopped communicating through the spoken word inside my head she jus comes over me like a fog i guess. I see the food, and start to think about eating some of that food, then a sort of darkness falls over my mind, envelopes the thought and carries it away into the dark pit. Replaced instantaniously by my body moving me out of that situation and onto some task that doesn't involve food.

When my Daughter comes home from school there is a sense of relief inside me. For it is then that i know ED does Not have the control. I am at ease and relaxed with the food. I enjoy our snacks and dinner times, feels good to be able to do This as a family-share food.
When Wayne is home he is usually the one to ask about lunch. Actually he reminds me that it is "time for food". Which i make and we share together.

Why is it when left to my own, i do Not choose food?

I cannot tell You what a Blessing Original Limu has been to me and my family simply because i am Here and i am Healthy - in Spite of my disease!

Get the Body Healthy and the Mind WILL Follow.

I believe that even more today than i did 2 years ago. My body IS Healthy and my Mind is trying desperately to combat This state of being. She, the Anorexic, knows that no matter what i Will be drinking at least a 2 oz shot of Original Limu juice every morning and that if she gives me too much grief i will flood her with a couple more shots throughout the day, so that by afternoon and dinner food is NO obstacle to ME anymore.

How am i doing on Anorexia Recovery Road? I've climbed my way out of the Dark Place to reach the summit of a Healthy Body. From here on, it's downhill and a cake walk. Well...still lots of mental work to do, but now that my body is Healthy my brain mass is Healthy as well, which will facilitate new Healthy mental capabilities which will form the new hardwiring of the neropathways to finally make This Part of my Life's journey seem a thing of the past. A distant memory if You will as my thoughts and actions finally become whole to take care of this body.


Blessings of Peace & Health, Enlightenment & Prosperity to You & Yours!

Lady Limu
Barbara A Thornton