New Transformation

Good Morning Friends and Neighbors!

I finally have a quiet moment. Guess i've been busy lately.

I am doing well. My weight is between 122-125. So that answers the question of recovered vs recovering.
There has been homemade dessert everynight for quite a few days now.

When i look in the mirror (well since yesturday anyway) i am beginning to see a different reflection.
That gauntly thin face i have become accustomed to is giving way to a healthy beautiful woman.
No longer are there harsh lines for my cheek bones and jaw.
The deep furrows than ran across the thin covering of my forhead are dissapating, along with the veins at my temples no longer pounding out their dark blue beat under the sheer vail of my malnourished skin.
When i look at my arms, i am not seeing the familiar bones.
My shoulders are rounding out nicely.
My upper arms are twice the size they used to be (which i will admit IS freaking me out a bit, but i KNOW they are finally healthy and refreshingly "Normal") albeit they are alot better looking than the stick figures they used to be. Now they actually Look like arms.
My size 4 wedding band (which i got 4&1/2 years ago at the age of 32) will Never again come off, and the size 5 diamond set on top of that has seen the last of slippage, and twirling. Funny thing is, my fingers do not look any different to me.
My hands, on the other hand (LOL), Do look a lot different. First of all, at rest they do Not show any bones. The skin is a pretty pink in contrast to the dull, white, paper thin version of Anorexia that just had barely enough cells to cover the bones on the veins.
Speaking of veins, they are hardly noticeable on the tops of my hands. When you do see them around my wrists, they are not shriveled up worms like before. They are Healthy and carrying oxygen and nourishment throughout my entire body.
Going up, to my forarm is a gradual thickening from my wrist to elbow. Thickening of Muscle and Tissues. Just like a Real arm.

I would not say that i am Freaking out about this New Transformation of myself as i would say i am in Awe...and to be quite honest, a bit Intrigued.
In the same way i have nurtured my children in Love, Discipline and Nutrients to bring them to the healthy (physically, mentally & spiritually) place they are today, i am seeing the direct effects of doing the same for me.

I have spent my whole life making sure everyone Around me was happy, healthy & safe, but i had long ago forgotten about ME.

I have learned over this last year and a half that it takes Love of my person in order to Discipline myself to Nourish this body on a daily basis.

Due to tragic events presented to me when i was just a small child, i learned to Not love myself.

I have no problem loving others, just i never learned or was taught how to love myself or cope with stressfull situations in a healthy manner.

So, anorexia was born in me out of sheer Need to survive - a need to control Something in my life.

I am learning that just by living and eating each day i am surviving!
As far as controlling something, i Am in control - in control of this Living Body.
It is under my control AND responsibility to keep it alive until my time of rest comes.

I cannot change the past. Neither can You. We can only live today to change our tommorrow.

My tommorrows have changed dramatically since the 1st time i actually set out to to nourish my body - just 1.5 years ago.
Original Limu was my first big step towards my learning to Love and Respect Myself enough to Feed ME.
Now i am beginning to see glimpses of future tommorrows for the first time in a long time. Based on my todays of the past year or so i know and have faith in the visions that are set in my heart.
The visions of my heart had become desperately cloudy due to my anorexia. Once i started to get nourishment AND food, my future was looking up. Now i sit quietly and reflect on the long road to this point in my life and am amazed at where i am. I could not have fathomed or asked for all that i have now - not just material things either, although they are quite incomprenhensible to me just 2 years ago.

I want to Thank You ALL for your visits and interest in my recovery of Anorexia. It Was scary at first - my recovery that is - but I can't thank You enough for letting me be honest about my struggles and victories over this deadly disease.

I am learning a lot about the disease and nutrition and most importantly -myself. I can only hope that my enlightenment will bring knowlege to You or Someone You know that will give them real Help, Hope and Recovery.

Recovery is not easy.
Recovery is not quick.
Recovery is on the Horizon.
Recovery is made easier with Original Limu.

Recovery is an Awesome place to be!


I pray Blessings of Peace & Hope, Enlightenment & Love to YOU!

Barbara A Thornton - Lady Limu