On the Up Side

Good Morning Friends & Neighbors!

Thank You all for Your Prayers!

I broke down and weighed today. To my delight, i am at 118! I am no longer going backwards by losing weight, but forward to my healthy goal of 120.

I had a good day yeaturday. I drank my juice, was productive physically, spent time thinking about the words to describe this feeling of empowerment and comfort that this disease brings with it. I spent the late afternoon and early evening "munching" on cookies, grapes, a banana, even a couple pieces of chocolate; and eating a big steak, mac-n-cheese, brussels sprouts & geen beans for dinner.

I must be honest here, so i can confront Myself so i get these thoughts and subsequent feelings out in the open, conscious mind. Only then can i do battle with an oppponent that has been very crafty, manipulative and rooted in the subconsious mind.
The only way to win a battle is to Know that you Are In the battle.

Now i can stand face to face with this enemy.
I see it coming at me.
I know what it is up to.
I understand it's methods of manipulation.
I feel it creeping up on me - every day.

This time around, i possess the skills to fight back.
I stand my ground as controller of this bodily vessel.
I counteract the attacks with positive action - thoughts or more often than not, just eating.
I use my understanding to Not allow this to happen.
Everyday, i drink The Juice and eat. The feeling goes away.

So, my honesty?
There are days that i consiously do Not drink my juice.

There was a time, from the beginning up to recently, that i used the Limu as a crutch. Eating was impossible at first, so i would drink large amounts of juice because i knew that it over compensated for the lack of food intake. I was still feeding my body, even though my body and mind did not want food.
Now, during my worst days, i am recognizing that i purposely forgo my juice specifically because i know it is good for me. I have seen this juice take my body from an emaciated state to the great health i enjoy today in just 1.5 years. So i understand the need my body has for this Fucoidan, and subsequently, anorexia attacks this most pure form of nutrition also.

My husband just brought me a banana. It sat next to me for a while as i went through the process of debating with myself about wether or not to open it. Finally, i just reached over, grabbed it and would You know it, there was a Kudo for me! how sweet. O.K. i finished my banana. Not bad...before noon even! lol

I hope to one day be able to explain this 'crazy' to myself. I need to be able to wrap my head around what is going on with me mentally if i ever hope to have a chance at a 'normal' life where food is just another part of the day and not a big deal. If i can be able to identify, label & outline the effects of this anorexia in a clear laymans terms - which i can understand - it is my speculation that at that time, my struggle will be considerably lessened and eventually to a point where this disease does Not affect my daily life.

I invite You to come along on my journey. I am always open to encouragement, advice and even constructive criticism.

I Pray You have Life More Abundant in 2009!
Lady Limu

www.blufrogenergy.com/ladylimu