Hello Again!
I've been "out of sorts" lately, this is my 3rd day. I've continued on course with my LIMU 2 shots a day (2oz) and 2 shakes a day. I have been using 1 scoop of mix to about 1 1/2c whole milk. The directions call for 2 scoops a serving, but i found that to be too heavy for my AN stomach at this point.
My food intake is increasing daily by small incriments and including during the sunlight hours.
So what is happening to me? For starters my mind seems to not be able to stay focused especially when it comes to writing. There just aren't any waves to spare for writing. I am slowly getting my chores done, however they are taking longer and i seem to want to go from one to the next but never really completing one all the way through.
This is very frustrating because this is how I was before Recovery started. The last 6 months of high stress kicked my AN into high gear which was allowing me to be very physically active (to escape the food) & productive which i guess I was Assuming that meant my brain was functioning at top notch also.
On top of the whole brain/mind...fog is the strange sensations i have feeling from my Body parts as well as my System parts. These are harder to describe as they are vague feelings that i have no knowlege of experience or words to associate them.
My stomach has been harder to ignore these 3 days. Before when it would "feel" like that- all kinda crampy, it would go away within a few minutes 10 maybe and even faster when i thought of Something I could be doing. Now the crampy yuck doesn't go away, just intensifies. So i get something to eat, a few chips, some avocado, a pudding cup.
Of course this action causes the "other yuck". Not so much pain now as before, but i am still very aware of just how full that stomach is. This new yuck seems to come from inside a system part and no so much from the actual organ itself -as before. It's like my stomach is Happy to have the bulk & Nutrients in it, but somehow the AN inside is trying to make it upset like before, maybe so I will go back to the old way?
So last night my yuck stomach I figured was telling Me "I'm Hungry" and instead of me ignoring it, I got Something to put in there. Of course i can't hold a lot right now as i get full real quick, but it seemed with 1/2 hour i was able to eat a bit more. By dinner I had my 2nd LEAN shake with salad & chips for the carbs. I spent the rest of the evening snacking on small things until bed.
I've been thinking about these strange feelings (and i didn't even mention the weird tingly i get in my arms & legs) in My Body & Mind....
Hunger. That's the physical feeling - Hunger. This is a feeling that i have supressed for so long now that I don't even recognize it. With my Body & my AN (in essence) being "forced" to ingest high octane Nutrients AND now Protein, my physical body is starting to override my Anorexic mind. My body was made to function properly & it did up until i got this crazy idea of anorexia stuck inside my head. Through years of starvation, the AN system part had effectually shut Me off from My Physical Self and then started paving the road to Take Over My Body parts.
Which was working just fine until...LIMU the original Fucoidan juice blend. That was a big blow to my AN system. Not only was I actively ingesting Nutrients, but now she was out of the closet and i was fighting her head on. ANs are smart though. They will just lie and wait until some "catastrophe" happens and they are once again in the driver's seat because the AN has US trained to use IT to get through, instead of real skills of the mind, heart & soul.
That's just what she did for 2+ years. Oh sure, we would go back & forth for a short while, but I just kept drinkin' the juice and trying harder each day. Until the holidays '09 and Dutchess' sickness & death. She found my weakest point and completely exploited it especially because now she can talk & move faster than I can hear & catch her. By then of 6 months, I was completely at her control again, back to restricting most all food, but she couldn't get me to stop the LIMU. Until the death, then I was taken off that too.
Now with a pantry of LIMU and introduction of LEAN, i think my AN System is starting to freak out because My Body System is finally able to stand up for itself and Fight for Me against this enemy invader from within.
Could this be why my mind is foggier than usual, because AN has no clue what to think of this new "diet" I have found to combat her attacks? Is she backed up in the pit trying to come up with a strategy to overcome Me & My Body once again? Is she mad at me for doing This to Her and My punishment is cluttered thinking and scattered doing?
All I know for sure is that I can NOT stop doing what I'm doing. I did her way for a quarter of a century and I saw what and where That got Me.
Next month is my 3 year anniversary of my 1st steps on The Road 2BRecoverED with LIMU and with Only the juice I have seen the proof of what This product had done to my emaciated anorexic body & mind to bring Health where there was absolutely None. Now I get to have my cake & eat it too with the Protein in LEAN.
The definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over & over, but expecting a Different outcome Each Time.
Eating Disorders Are a Mental Illness - a form of Insanity if You will. No matter which end of the ED spectrum You are on, If You DON'T Change Your thinking and Your ways, how can You ever Be RecoverED to lead a Healy more abundant life?
Get the Body Healthy and the Mind Will Follow.
For YOU and for the One's who Love YOU, won't You order Your 1st case today on Autoship - get $50 instant savings, qualify for Reward Rebates to get Your products for free and Start Your journey on The Road to Recovered Health?
Blessings of Peace & Health, Enlightenment & Prosperity to YOU!
Barbara A Thornton
Lady Limu
TLC Consultant
Use ID # 8536438
931.796.3688
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